This Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.
As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the least of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which seemed rather simplistic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
